(To your ex)

I still love you.

Can we at least be friends?

Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life.

Actually it wasn’t. You’re a huge douche.

Please, I’ll do anything to get back with you. I can change.

Listen, that friends with benefits thing sounds nice.

I’m dumping your shit on your porch.

Can I have my favorite book back?

Hey, how’s life?

Just thought you should know, I’m dating someone new.


(To your mom)

Stop stalking my dates on Facebook.

Stop trying to control my life.

No, I’m not having kids yet. Stop sending baby clothes.


(To your old best friend)

Saw this and thought of you.

We should get lunch soon.

Why’d we stop hanging out?


(To your crush)

You look nice ๐Ÿ˜‰

Wanna grab dinner sometime?

I’m sorry that I’m so awkward.

Kiss my face.


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