Facing the prospects of a long distance relationship, I read articles upon articles about “surviving the distance” and “how to make it work”. There’re the obvious things like planning time to visit, having an end date for the distance, and Skype dates (and when I say dates, I mean time set aside like you would for a date). But, after a not so successful attempt and a recent successful month of long distance, the one thing that none of these articles tell you is that those cutesy apps and things won’t hold your relationship together. You have to put in the effort and believe that it’ll work.

Trust

No one is that secure that they have no doubts. But you should be able to look your SO in the eyes and see that love there. Maybe it’s a romantic idea, but I’m a fantasy writer. If doubt is creeping into your mind daily and skewing your perceptions, you should be able to talk to your SO about it. Don’t be accusatory. Just let your SO know your concerns. Basically, he/she will reassure you. Though it’s ultimately your responsibility to remind yourself of this reassurance, communication is the most important thing in any relationship.

What it means when you don’t make the effort

If you’ve stopped making the effort, you already know what I’m going to say; you’re just reading this for confirmation. It’s time to break-up. If you wanted to talk to your SO, you would. Maybe you thought you could handle long distance or maybe you knew this was coming. Either way, you and your SO deserve to be happy and if you’re not putting in the effort, it means you’d be happier apart.

Final Thoughts

If your relationship is rotting when you’re together, distance will kill it. Even if you put in every effort and buy every long distance app, it won’t make a difference. Some things look good on paper, but that doesn’t mean they’re good in real life. If you’re questioning whether you should do long distance, ask yourself if the relationship is worth it. What’s holding you back? If you love that person, wouldn’t you make the effort?

If any of this describes you or you’re currently in a long distance relationship or you’re in a relationship that went through a time of long distance, I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Advice

One Comment

  1. Syd, all of the things you have written are true! In college before I started dating Mike, I clung onto my high school sweet heart who was thousands of miles away in Hawaii serving in the Air Force. We did not have full trust in each other. We did make planned time for each other and even wrote letters and emails to one another. We drifted apart though. The physical touch was never there because he was not able to come home/have a leave for a year due to his classification. We split up while he was still in Hawaii. We kept in touch as friends and he still visits every six months even though his entire family (ex-wife and two daughters) is in Tennessee. He tells Mike that I’m his biggest mistake and regret in life, which of course makes me smile. We have a wonderful relationship now as friends. Maybe that’s what we were meant to be all along or maybe we just didn’t have a solid foundation before the long distance began. Every relationship is different just like every human being. Do what works for you at this moment.

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