Doors We Don’t Open

Feelings start in the

stomach

where they bubble and

stab

before they float up to the

brain.

They start grabbing at the wires and twisting

everything.

Then they turn off

the lights.

 

Sometimes I descend

into

the madness and let it

C O N S U M E

ME.

So much hurt and fear and anger and worry and pain and panic and sadness

and it builds into a tsunami,

drowning me

before I shut it up again.

Before I rejoin reality,

the shallow end where that blind limitless emotion

can’t exist.

How Can You Promise Me Forever?

We try to control

everything.

We pretend that if we plan enough then we’re prepared for

anything.

 

Tell me,

how do you know what we should do?

If you’re not scared,

you’re doing it wrong.

 

How can you be so

sure?

How can you make promises

that are worlds away?

 

What’s your reasoning?

I have mine.

I will do whatever it takes, and when I can’t do more,

have faith.

Do It For You

My heels echo down the empty corridors

in my old high school.

I shouldn’t miss this.

I don’t miss this.

Now I don’t have to talk to anyone

that I don’t want to.

But I remember meeting you.

I remember my hopes and dreams exactly as I felt them,

back when the world seemed so small.

The truth is, none of it matters and no one cares.

But these halls shaped me.

These memories dig into my heart and choke me.

The Sweetest Rotten Milk

Flowers fell from my locker and all

eyes

locked on

me.

A white paper bag sat on top

of                                  my books.

“Open it.” “Open it.” “Open it.”

I opened it.

Six pink sugar cookies stared up at me:   P R O M ?

The tap on my shoulder shouldn’t

have surprised me.

My high school sweetheart smiled his sweet smile wanting me to accept his sweet cookies, his sweet promposal.

Why the hell do promposals exist?

Mythroatwastootight.

“So, will you go with me?”

Their eyes pressure me to accept. How

can I say no to someone who cares so much?

Plus, we’re dating.

Why are we dating again?

The cookies turn my stomach before

I even eat them.

“Yes.”

Isn’t this a fairytale?

Rules of Love 101

It’s not always easy.

You can’t force what isn’t there.

If you don’t like kissing him, you don’t like him.

 

Don’t rush.

A promise ring won’t stop her from leaving you.

If he wants to cheat, he will cheat. You can’t stop him.

 

Love can change your perspective.

Love will change your perspective.

Love can make life complicated.

 

Sometimes you deserve better.

Sometimes she deserves better.

 

Opposites attract if they are complimentary.

Similar people attract if they are diverse enough.

Love happens.

Belphegor’s Hunger

Not even a light breeze interrupts the sprawling h e a t.

Inside, the AC works double time.

The pile of paperwork slides

closerandcloser to the edge

of the

desk.

I. don’t. want. to. do. it.

So I let the stack f

a

l

l

to

the

floor.

Pain Addict

It wasn’t really

love so much as an

obsession.

Light, innocence, and an ever-present smile

lured her in.

She fed off of other peoples’ happiness

because she had none.

And when the storm clouds rolled in, she

was the first to break down.

Pain was her poison.

She destroyed things on purpose, chasing the aching pain

and thriving on anger.

And when she was done, she left a scar.

Again

All of the words are gone,

repeating, repeating, repeating.

The same stories,

same people,

same feelings.

We make the same mistakes.

We make the same promises.

And break them.

 

They hand me the camera. “Just ask.”

But my throat

closes.

I go up to someone, but decide

against it.

Then I find the right person.

But they say I did it

wrong.

“You do it then.”

They don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

Why am I so

defensive?

So scared?

I brush it off until it happens

again. It

always happens

again.

Awkward, Stupid, Pointless Words

I llllllllll-

I luv you.

I lurv you?

I kind of maybe sort of quite possibly most definitely am hopelessly falling head over heels in love with

pizza

or chocolate

or

Grandma?

What I’m trying to say is.

It’s really really really really hard to.

I can’t know for sure but.

I’m attracted.

I have feelings for.

I like.

I “like-like”.

This is stupid. Why do we put such a strong emphasis on three words that only have eight letters?

Ok. Ok.

Let’s get lunch.

Emotionless Motions

Before you go through the motions

mindless.

When everything is new,

exciting, tingly.

When the sun shines just right, breaking through the storm clouds

before they swallow you whole.

Before you disappear into routine,

checking off the boxes.

Is that how it always

ends?

Senses dulling,

Dreams dying,

Just surviving.