They all start with white wings.
I don’t know what happens
but they never stay white.
Mine faded to an ashy gray by my eighth
I didn’t do anything wrong.
Some of them break.
Sometimes in the
middle of flying.
I guess we pretend we’re innocent,
pretend we’re better,
pretend we’re whole.
My throat constricts.
The heat of the summer was-
Unknown and uncertainty floats-
This isn’t what-
How can I stress over and prepare for something-
Gold eye shadow brings out the green
in her eyes,
drawing my attention from across the room.
The music blasting in my ear cuts
My center of gravity shifts.
And I know.
I’m sorry for your loss.
That’s too formal.
Hey, I know I don’t know you, but I know your best friend just died and I’m sorry.
I sound crazy.
Weaving through the crowd, I try
to get closer to her.
But the weight of her grief squeezestheairfrommylungs.
Two hours and thirty minutes of avoiding her ends
when she taps my shoulder.
Her long, dark hair brushes against me as I turn.
Her eyes are glossy and bloodshot, but she smiles.
And my chest releases.
And the hurt heals to hope.
(To your ex)
I still love you.
Can we at least be friends?
Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life.
Actually it wasn’t. You’re a huge douche.
Please, I’ll do anything to get back with you. I can change.
Listen, that friends with benefits thing sounds nice.
I’m dumping your shit on your porch.
Can I have my favorite book back?
Hey, how’s life?
Just thought you should know, I’m dating someone new.
(To your mom)
Stop stalking my dates on Facebook.
Stop trying to control my life.
No, I’m not having kids yet. Stop sending baby clothes.
(To your old best friend)
Saw this and thought of you.
We should get lunch soon.
Why’d we stop hanging out?
(To your crush)
You look nice 😉
Wanna grab dinner sometime?
I’m sorry that I’m so awkward.
Kiss my face.
No matter how you try, you are destined
to be the same.
Same smile, slightly crooked.
Same fears, threatening your sanity.
Same anger, silent then explosive.
Mother molds daughter.
Daughter fights it.
Everyone always fights it.
We fight feelings,
ignore what we know is true.
Put your life into a safe box and will yourself to believe
that this is all you want.
All you’ve ever wanted.
Because worse than chaos,
Words fill the books that fill the shelves that fill
But they’re no help.
Neither are the memories that torment me with
fragments of images and
It’s like being a ghost, unable to touch anything
unable to return
Unable to move
music, walking, people.
I look through them, a prisoner
of my mind.
Spaghetti sauce splattered on
my white shorts.
Ink exploded on
my blue satin prom dress.
An Eiffel Tower shaped stain
adorns my favorite chiffon top.
I’ve spilled soda on the carpet
and ice cream in the car.
I spill, drop, and trip.
I fall, stub, and slip.
But I’ve never broken a bone.
Feelings start in the
where they bubble and
before they float up to the
They start grabbing at the wires and twisting
Then they turn off
Sometimes I descend
the madness and let it
C O N S U M E
So much hurt and fear and anger and worry and pain and panic and sadness
and it builds into a tsunami,
before I shut it up again.
Before I rejoin reality,
the shallow end where that blind limitless emotion
We try to control
We pretend that if we plan enough then we’re prepared for
how do you know what we should do?
If you’re not scared,
you’re doing it wrong.
How can you be so
How can you make promises
that are worlds away?
What’s your reasoning?
I have mine.
I will do whatever it takes, and when I can’t do more,
My heels echo down the empty corridors
in my old high school.
I shouldn’t miss this.
I don’t miss this.
Now I don’t have to talk to anyone
that I don’t want to.
But I remember meeting you.
I remember my hopes and dreams exactly as I felt them,
back when the world seemed so small.
The truth is, none of it matters and no one cares.
But these halls shaped me.
These memories dig into my heart and choke me.